


Hands

by wolfcigs



Category: Love Live! Sunshine!!, 声優 | Seiyuu RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Art School, Alternate Universe - College/University, F/F, Music, RPF, Slice of Life, kinda ooc sometimes, self harm tw
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-07
Updated: 2019-06-03
Packaged: 2020-02-27 19:49:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 15,336
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18745906
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wolfcigs/pseuds/wolfcigs
Summary: Art school was simultaneously nothing like Inami Anju had expected, and everything she had expected, all at once.[art school AU for aqours. they aren't idols or seiyuu, i'm just dropping them as people into a college setting for fun] [edit 5/10: changed title of the work]





	1. you can write about what you want

**Author's Note:**

> lately, i've been nostalgic for my art school days. i just moved back home, and it's been dragging up some old feelings about the college i went to, so i decided to pour it into this work.  
> the school is based on the one i went to, so it includes digital art majors, fine arts, fashion, and culinary.  
> while anju is technically the main character, the focus won't always be on her! i have plans for everybody~  
> yes this can get a tiny bit ooc, but don't take it too seriously haha i'm mostly just writing this for me, so i guess it's just a bonus if you guys like it too ^_^  
> see end of chapter for more notes~

Art school was simultaneously nothing like Inami Anju had expected, and everything she had expected, all at once.

 

The unexpected was dominated by the fact that it was so much easier than it had been built up to be. High school was filled with warnings of how difficult college was, and how hard professors would be on you for the 4+ years you’d spend in their presence. However,  Anju found herself doing surprisingly well, and she wondered why it had been made out to be such a stressful experience, nailed into her head by every teacher and principal and counselor.

 

The expected was, of course, that she couldn’t seem to get along with anyone.

 

Anju didn’t like to think of herself as the antisocial type, but deep within the recesses of her mind, she knew that was at least a little true. She would rather describe herself as a textbook introvert, preferring alone time and quiet activities to the more common socialization of college. And, on top of that, she found she simply couldn’t relate to any of her fellow classmates. Sure, they’d had some things in common. It would be hard to share a major with people and not find that to be true, but even so, that wasn’t basis enough for her to sacrifice her treasured alone time for socialization.

 

Perhaps she had high standards, and maybe that made her a bitch, she chewed on these thoughts as she made her way to Literature class. When she had received her schedule at the start of this quarter, Anju found herself wishing she’d taken care of a few general college classes in high school when she had the chance. But, here she was, studying books when she could be studying video games.

 

Her first year was easy enough. She was able to coast through the months sitting in the back of the class, keeping to herself, and passing her classes quietly with B’s and a couple A’s here and there.

 

This quarter, however, proved to be a different story, and she had been dreading today for the past week.

 

“With this next assignment,” Her Literature professor had announced several days prior, “You’ll need to partner up with a fellow classmate and come up with a presentation, detailing your own interpretations of the assigned reading material, whether in Powerpoint format, or something more creative.”

 

Anju glanced around the room anxiously, though she knew her frantic attempts at picking out someone who looked non-threatening would be futile. Maybe there would be an odd number of students, she thought to herself, and she would be the odd one out, forced to work solo. Realistically, however, the odds of that were low.

 

And finally, the day had come, and the professor urged them to pick a partner.

 

Anju was not the only person clearly nervous, as everyone peered around hesitantly. People who had obviously known each other for a while gathered in pairs, leaving behind those who decided to settle for the easiest looking classmate.

 

“Hey!!” An energetic, slightly rough, yet still somehow high-pitched voice chirped behind her, and Anju jumped on instinct, whipping around to face the source of the noise. A short girl with chin-length, light brown hair stood beaming behind her desk.

 

“Y...yeah?” Anju muttered dumbly, realizing moments after just how stupid she sounded. The other girl’s eyes seemed to dart around to every feature of her face, and leaned forward. Anju pulled away.

 

“Let’s be partners!!” She grinned. “You probably read a lot, right? I mean, you’re soooooo quiet.” Giggling, she snatched her bag from beside her and hopped around to face Anju in one motion.

 

“Uh,” Anju didn’t have much time to react. On top of the overwhelming intensity of the other, the slight insensitivity of her comment left Anju in a state of whiplash. “N-not really…”

 

“Oh, really?! Huh. Well, that’s okay.” She made herself at home right away, pulling a chair up to Anju’s desk. “But, you read the book, right?”

 

She had, indeed. Reluctantly, the night before (with assistance of SparkNotes), Anju had crammed the entirety of the required reading material. With each new reading assignment, she wondered how she’d managed to reach a point where reading felt like a chore. Years ago, reading was exciting. She could pick up a fantasy novel and lose herself in the worlds within, daydreaming of dragons and epic battles, selfishly self-inserting as she pictured herself as a monster-slayer or a cool, suave knight in armor. In a fantasy world, she could be untouchable.

 

Fast-forward to years later, and Anju found herself a 22 year old woman with the attention span of a goldfish when it came to reading, and she wondered again where she went wrong.

 

“You good?” Anju was dragged out of her spiraling thoughts of self-pity by that same voice, and she shook her head a bit.

 

“Yeah, I read the book. Did you?”

 

“Heh…” She scratched the back of her neck awkwardly, looking down at her feet. “Well… I read the Wikipedia page for it.”

 

“Seriously?” Anju raised her eyebrows. “You know anyone can edit those pages, right?”

 

“Well, yeah, but they get like… moderated and stuff…” She changed her sitting position, swinging both legs over each opposing end of the seat and planting her hands on the space between them and leaning forward. Anju wondered if she was a gymnast or something, eyeing her bizarre flexibility briefly before glancing back up. “It’ll be fine. It’s just a Powerpoint. I’m super good at bullshitting; it’s how I passed high school.” She delivered the self-drag with a huge smile.

 

“Okay,” Anju forced a tiny smile in return. It was easier, she supposed, that someone had approached her first, rather than having to get up and take the initiative herself.

 

With each student paired up, the rest of class time was to be used for planning the project. “So, do you wanna work on this tonight?” The strange girl rocked back and forth in her chair. “Oh!!” She exclaimed, and Anju jumped in response. She was so incredibly loud. “What’s your name? I forgot, hehe.”

 

Anju cleared her throat. The energy she was being pelted with was overwhelming. “Anju.”

 

“Oh, right! I think I knew that.” She nodded. “I’m Shuka!!” With another massive smile, she leaned forward and rested her elbows on Anju’s desk, with little regard for personal space. Anju wondered if her face muscles ever got tired. “I’m a fine arts major.” Shuka gave an awkward wink. It seemed every part of her body couldn’t stop moving.

 

“Fine arts, huh? So, what do you do?” Making small talk wasn’t Anju’s favorite, but she didn’t have much of a choice, and admittedly, Shuka’s demeanor was intriguing to say the least. A little part of her wanted to see where the conversation would lead.

 

“I like pencil stuff. I mostly draw girls. Like, portraits and life drawings, stuff like that.” She twisted around and rummaged in her bag, retrieving a light blue sketchbook. The cover and binding were clearly abused from frequent use, and Anju eyed her hands as she flipped through the pages. Her knuckles were bony and smudged with graphite, and despite their rugged look, she had neatly manicured nails. 

 

“Just girls?” Anju idly inquired, looking down at her own hands. While they were clean, her fingers were torn up and red with the after-effects of hangnails and nervous biting. Her fingertips were calloused, and her nails were bitten back too far. Suddenly she felt incredibly self conscious, stuffing her hands in the pockets of her cardigan.

 

“Yeah! I don’t think dudes are as fun to draw. Or to look at.” She giggled and presented her opened sketchbook on the desk for Anju to see.

 

“Woah.” Anju breathed, turning her head to take in the sketches Shuka so casually slid in front of her. While being rooted in realism, her style clearly had cartoonish influences, and it tied together to make something that Anju couldn’t stop looking at. Portraits and figure drawings of various women took up the entirety of one page, and studies of hands took up the adjacent one. The paper was smudged all to hell, and hardly any of the clean white base was left to be seen. “That’s so cool. You’re really good.”

 

“Aw, thank you!!” Shuka retrieved the book once more and slid it back into her bag, which Anju could see was cluttered and full of garbage. “What’s your major?” She whipped back around, smiling eagerly.

 

“I’m in digital stuff… going to go for game design.” She mumbled, crossing her legs.

 

“Ohhh!!” Shuka’s eyes widened. “What kind of games?” Her eyelashes were so long, Anju noted.

 

“Fantasy, I guess?” She chewed on her lower lip, and the other girl listened intently. “I really like Nintendo games. It’s probably unrealistic and stupid, but…” Anju glanced to the wall beside them. “I kinda want to work there someday? I’m probably not good enough, but--”

 

“That’s so awesome!!” Shuka interrupted, cutting Anju off sharply. “I bet you’re totally good enough. That’s not stupid at all.” She excitedly brought her hands down on the desk. Again, Anju jumped a little in her seat. “That’s so cool… I can’t do digital stuff at all. I had to take a graphic design class and my brain, like, exploded.” She laughed, smiling brightly at Anju, who couldn’t help but give a tiny smile back.

 

Subconsciously, Anju admired her eyelashes again, and the smile tugging at her lips remained until the professor announced the end of class.

 

“Woah, already, huh?” Shuka muttered in surprise, turning around to look at the clock, then turning back around to meet eyes with Anju once more. “Well, I would invite you back to my dorm to work on this later, buuut…” She grimaced. “It’s kinda… messy. Hehe.”

 

“Yeah, that’s okay, we can do mine.” Anju gave a short nod. “My room is pretty clean, and I’ve got a desk and stuff. We can do the project on my laptop.”

 

“Sweet!” Shuka leapt up from her seat, briskly returning the chair to its previous position. “Oh, I’ve got anime club after this…” She stared off into space for a moment in thought. “I’ll be good around… four o’clock?”

 

_ ‘Anime club, huh…’  _ Anju thought to herself, trying to spare as much judgment as she could as she imagined the kinds of people who might attend an anime club. “Yeah, that’s cool.” She swallowed hard; the whole “reaching out” thing wasn’t coming so easily, but she knew she’d have to do it. “W-wanna exchange numbers?” Jesus Christ. She heard her own voice spilling out of her mouth like some socially awkward, stammering word-vomit.

 

“Oh, yeah!!” Shuka fetched her phone from her back pocket and unlocked it. “You can just send me a text and I’ll save your number that way.”

 

Anju nodded, retrieving her own smartphone from her backpack.

 

“Woah, haha. You’ve got one of those big iPhones.” Shuka gave a sheepish grin. “Okay, so my number is…”

 

She recited the numbers, and Anju opened iMessage, entering them quickly. Hesitantly, her fingers hovered over the keyboard, pondering whether she should send something blank, or choose an emoji. Why was this so stressful? Ugh. She groaned internally, and picked out the dog emoji from her recently used, hitting “send”. 

 

Shuka’s phone vibrated, and she smiled widely upon seeing the message. “Ohh, cute!” She turned her attention to the device, and Anju watched her expression as she appeared to be scrolling through her own keyboard. A moment later, Anju’s own phone vibrated as well, and she looked down to see a notification that simply held the cowboy emoji. She couldn’t suppress a laugh from escaping the back of her throat. “Isn’t it funny?? I love that one.” Shuka pocketed her phone again and swung her bag over her shoulder. “Well… I have to go to my club now, but I’ll hit you up later.” She gave Anju another weird wink. “I’m super psyched to work together.” With an eager wave of her hand, she was gone as quickly as she’d came, leaving Anju in a state of mild shock.

 

Picking up her own things in a daze, Anju thought to herself that she’d never encountered someone with half as much energy, and that this project would be interesting, if nothing else. While the class hadn’t been as bad as she’d expected, she still couldn’t wait to crawl back to her dorm and recharge. The moment she stepped out of the classroom, she removed and untangled her earbuds from the pocket of her sweater, plugging them into her phone and selecting a playlist before moving forward down the hall.

 

The walk back to her room wasn’t terrible, and Anju was always able to zone out and listen to music the whole time, tuning out the loudness of fellow students, and pedestrians along the sidewalk. She adjusted her backpack on her shoulders, and her thoughts drifted back to her new study buddy once more.

 

Unlocking her door, she stood in the doorway of her tiny dorm room. A double-size bed sat pushed into the corner, facing her dresser and the small television which sat atop it. Her desk, which stood to the side of her bed, was admittedly a little cluttered, and she closed the door behind her, plugging in her string lights and approaching her desk. The room was lit in a gentle, dim yellow glow, which was just how she liked it. 

 

Taking her laptop from inside her bag and setting it on the desk, she glanced at her phone. The time was 2:00 PM, so she still had a little time to relax. She hung her backpack over the back of her chair and stripped herself of her sweater, laying the garment on her bed. Anju picked up the stray tissues and various discarded balled-up paper from around where her laptop now sat, tossing them into the garbage, and finally sat down, heaving out a sigh that she felt like she’d been holding in for the past hours.

 

She rubbed her temples, closing her eyes and thanking the universe that she had a moment to herself in her quiet, dark bedroom. 

 

Exhaling heavily once again, she turned her attention to her phone, scrolling through the notifications on her screen. Amongst the various twitter and instagram thumbnails, one stuck out in particular, from the number she’d just entered in before. 

 

_ [Number]: hey we might be done a lil early 0_0 _

 

_ [Number]: the president of our club has smth to do i guess _

 

_ [Number]: so lmk if u wanna get started anytime soon, i can head over to ur dorm if u just tell me the building and room number and stufffff  (^_-)≡☆ _

 

Anju blinked. It had been barely an hour since class let out. She sucked in air through her teeth and glanced at the time at the top of her phone. 2:15… She blew the air out of her cheeks and slid open iMessage.

 

_ Anju: Yeah, that’s fine. I’m not really doing anything rn anyways. _

 

In an attempt to be more casual, she inserted an emoji with its tongue stuck out. Pretty much immediately, the speech bubble with an elipses indicating that Shuka was replying popped up.  _ She must be on her phone a lot… _

 

_ [Number] ok!! i’ll head over to where u are then, just hit me with your room number and all that _

 

Anju typed out her building and room number, hit send, locked her phone again, and suddenly felt her chest constrict with anxiety. She hadn’t had someone over since the school year started, and found herself worrying over every little thing that could happen. In her irrational mind, she concocted scenes in which Shuka was secretly only hanging out with her to make fun of her. She fretted internally over imaginary scenarios where she’d poke fun at the Pokemon posters on her wall, or her childish Disney patterned blankets, or how she couldn’t keep the overhead lights on in her room because it overwhelmed her eyes.

 

Or, God forbid, Shuka notices her fingers, or legs, or any other place on her that was raw and red from her own nervous biting and scratching. She reached up and took her glasses off, rubbing her eyes hard and trying to bury the spiraling negative thoughts. It’ll be fine, it’ll be fine, it’ll be fine. It’s just a project.

 

There was a knock at her door, and Anju practically leapt out of her chair. “Shit…” She muttered and threw her cardigan back on, raising from her seat and shuffling to the door.

 

Nervously, Anju unlocked the door, and pulled it open, revealing her partner standing in her doorway, looking cheerful as ever.

 

“Thanks for having me over!!” Shuka smiled at her, stepping closer. “You really don’t wanna see my dorm, haha.”

 

Anju stepped back, and retreated back into her dim room, the other girl following. “Yeah, it’s okay. Mine is usually pretty clean...ish…”

 

“Huh! It’s really dark in here, though.” Shuka glanced around. “Do you ever turn on the big light?”

 

“No.” Anju replied shortly. “I don’t like it.”

 

“Fair enough!” She shrugged off her bag, setting it next to the door, and slipping her shoes off next to it. “Oh, cool, you have a guitar. So, you play?” Shuka’s attention turned to the instrument leaning against the wall next to her desk.

 

“Yeah, I’m not like… a master or anything, but I can play.” Anju crossed her arms, standing awkwardly next to her bed. “My dad got it for me as a graduation present. I used to just play his, so he got me one I could play on my own.”

 

“Oh yeah?” Shuka knelt down and examined it. “So you’re pretty close with your dad, then?” She turned back around to sit cross legged, facing the taller girl, who remained standing.

_ So I guess we’re just sitting on near-strangers’ floors then. _ She shifted between her feet uncomfortably, mentally judging the other. 

 

“Yeah. We’re really close.”

 

“Nice.” Shuka leaned back, propping herself up on her arms. “I’m not really close with my dad. He and my mom divorced when I was like 16 and he hasn’t contacted me since. Can you play a song on the guitar? Right now?”

 

Anju got whiplash from the topic-jumping between divorce and the dreaded “Can you play something?” she knew she would inevitably get.

 

“Y-yeah, I guess.” She stammered, and stepped forward to grab the instrument by its neck.

 

“Oh, people usually don’t say ‘yes’ to that sort of thing.” Shuka giggled. “Like, when strangers ask me if I can draw them. It’s so annoying. You don’t really have to play.”

 

“That’s not… really a fair comparison.” Anju snorted and sat back on her bed, facing the smaller girl before her.

 

“It’s all art.” Shuka smiled and sat forward again, fiddling with the carpet between her fingers.

 

“...Yeah.” Anju glanced around the room. “Anyways…” She cleared her throat. “I can sing and stuff, too.”

 

“Oh yeah?” Shuka giggled again. “I can totally see you strumming your guitar and singing in, like, the courtyard. Like some indie movie dude.”

 

“I could never do that.” She grumbled awkwardly, running her calloused fingertips along the strings.

 

“Right. Okay, sorry for asking for you to play and then interrupting.” Shuka straightened her back. “I’m all ears, ma’am.”

 

Anju looked everywhere but Shuka’s eyes, and paused for a moment in thought, mentally going through all the songs she knew. She couldn’t play something too sad, that would be too much for some random girl she just met, but she didn’t want to be one of “those” people who sing show tunes (though she totally was one of “those” people), and quickly realized that all she listened to was sad music and show tunes. And so, she picked the shortest, and  _ least _ sad, song she could think of, took a deep breath, and played the first chord.

 

_ “Well, I’m not sure if you’re angry, _

_ But I’m not gonna stick around to find out. _

_ Because this is not worth the time, _

_ And the hours on the bus I’d write about you  _

_ were wasted words. _

_ We can patch things up for another week, _

_ but there’s no point if everything is my fault. _

_ It’s all my fault.” _

 

Like clockwork, Anju lost herself in the song. She relaxed her eyelids, and drew each word out of her stomach like a sickness. She shut her eyes tight, and strummed the guitar harder.

 

_ “Sitting inside your living room _

_ Screaming I hate the things you do inside of your head. _

_ Time after time you fall _

_ for the same mistakes you made _

_ when you thought that love belonged _

_ to you _

_ to you _

_ to you _

_ to you.” _

 

She clenched her jaw hard, and fingered the chords harder.

 

_ “You said “You can write about what you want.” _

_ If that’s true, why do I feel like shit when you call? _

_ We can patch things up for another week, _

_ but there’s no point if everything is my fault. _

_ It’s all my fault!” _

 

Before she knew it, she was playing the last notes, and Anju opened her eyes again. The room was awkwardly quiet. She peered anxiously down at the other girl through her glasses.

 

“Woah.” Shuka gave an awkward half-laugh half-sigh. “So… you’re into that sad indie stuff then, huh?”

 

Anju grimaced. Maybe she should’ve gone with a show tune after all.

 

“Oh! You don’t have to make a face, I can vibe with that sort of thing. You’re really good, too.” Shuka followed up, sitting forward more and scooting closer.

 

“Thanks…” Anju gnawed at her lower lip. “Yeah, I listen to a lot of this sort of thing.” She rested her arms on the body of her guitar.

 

Shuka leaned forward, and Anju noticed how much closer she’d shifted. The shorter girl looked up directly into Anju’s eyes, and Anju found herself admiring her eyelashes once more.

 

“You look super cool like that.” Shuka spoke softly, giving her a small smirk.

 

“H-huh?” Anju swallowed; her throat was terribly dry.

 

“Yeah. Sitting up there with your guitar, I just wanna keep watching you.” Shuka licked her lower lip, studying her face, looking down to her hands, then back up to her face again.

 

“You…” She stammered dumbly, and wished she could tear her eyes away.

 

“Hmm?” 

 

“Just… anyways…” Anju felt her face grow hot, and she set her guitar to the side. “We have the powerpoint to make.” She cleared her throat, swinging off the bed and making her way back to her desk on shaking legs, sitting down and opening her laptop. She typed in the passcode to unlock it, and glanced down at Shuka, who sat happily on the ground next to her. “You can pull up a chair, you know.” She motioned with her head towards a fold-up chair that leaned against the opposite wall.

 

“Oh, I like the floor just fine.” She smiled up at Anju, who raised her eyebrows.

 

“Yeah? How are you gonna help out from down there?”

 

Shuka blinked. “Oh!! You’re right.” She hopped up, and was sitting next to Anju in no time. Again, Anju felt whiplash at the other girl’s capacity to hop from one thing to the next so quickly.

 

Anju double clicked on the Powerpoint icon. It loaded slowly. 

 

Shuka reached out and pointed at her desktop wallpaper. “Is that your dog?? Is it your parents’ dog?? It’s a weiner dog, right??” She chattered away, and it took a few moments before the words even processed in Anju’s brain.

 

“Oh, um… Yeah, it’s my dog. He lives with my parents, though.” Absentmindedly, she dragged the cursor around the screen, bouncing her leg up and down in her seat.  _ Why am I so anxious right now? _ She chewed on her thumb’s cuticle.

 

“That’s so cool. Dogs are so awesome. I have a dog.” Shuka leaned forward more, resting her elbows on Anju’s desk, and invading her personal space. Their shoulders brushed together, and Anju flinched. “Well… he lives with my mom, too. But I get to see him whenever I go home. His name’s Toramaru. He’s like… a poodle, or something, I dunno. He’s curly.” She bounced back and fetched her phone from her jacket pocket. “I have tons of pictures of him.” She scrolled through her images, giggling to herself, and Anju waited for Powerpoint to open. She wished she had a better computer.

 

“So what’s up with you?” Shuka piped up randomly, as Anju opened a new project in the program.

 

“Like, as in what?” She set the template and glaced beside her briefly.

 

“I dunno, you act all like...guarded.” Shuka leaned forward, resting her chin in her hands. “Like, you don’t really talk to anyone. And you’re acting all weird right now.”

 

“What the fuck?” Anju laughed awkwardly. “What kind of question is that? You don’t know me…” 

 

“Well, I wanna. And, like…” She fidgeted with her fingers. “It’s cool how you, like, were super vulnerable and emotional when you were singing.”

 

“I didn’t write the song…”

 

“Yeah, I know, but you clearly, like, felt it.” She muttered thoughtfully. “Like I said, you’re really cool.” Shuka playfully nudged her shoulder.

 

Anju felt all the blood in her body rush to her face at the contact. Her breath caught in her throat, and suddenly she was hyper aware of the closeness of the other body in the room. 

 

“Let’s just… finish this project.” Anju turned her attention back to her computer and wrung her hands together.

 

“Yeah! Okay! We can talk more later.”

 

_ Not so sure about that one. _ Anju sighed, opened the book that sat next to her laptop, and they began discussing its contents.

 

Surprisingly, it wasn’t as agonizing as Anju had been anticipating. Despite not having read the material, Shuka managed to provide helpful insight and ideas for the presentation. It wasn’t the best thing ever, but the finished product was at least presentable.

 

“Mission… accomplished?” When they finally saved the project for the final time, Shuka gave a lopsided grin, and Anju couldn’t help but smile in response.

 

“Yeah. We tried.” She laughed softly. “Hopefully our combined 5 brain cells made something passable.” Shuka burst into laughter.

 

“Oh my god, yeah…” She snorted. “That was so funny. You’re really funny.” Shuka giggled and bit on her lower lip. Anju eyed her mouth, noting the freckles that perfectly framed it, and admiring the shape of her lips.

 

“You’re funny.” The comment came tumbling out of Anju’s mouth without her intention.

 

The room was silent, and once again, Anju couldn’t tear her eyes away from the other’s.

 

“Well.” Shuka whispered. “I guess I should head out, then, since we’re all finished.”

 

“Yeah…” Anju breathed, and the shorter girl hopped up from her seat. Anju watched her as she stepped across the room, eyes darting down to her feet, noting that she wore mismatched socks.

 

“I’m happy I got you to loosen up a bit.” Shuka stuffed her feet back into her shoes, not bothering with the laces. She glanced backward at the other girl. “Let’s get together again soon. Maybe under different circumstances.”

 

“Sure,” Anju couldn’t believe her own words. Was she really complying to this? Something about Shuka made her want to throw away her hermit identity and open up a little, and she couldn’t stop herself from agreeing. “I’ll see you soon, then.”

 

“Thursday, in fact.” Shuka flashed her a peace sign. “I’ll text you, though!!”

 

“Oh...okay,” Anju blinked.

 

“Yeah!! So, talk to you later! Thanks for having me~!” She gave one last huge grin before turning around and heading down the hallway, leaving Anju breathless and exhausted in her wake.

 

“Bye…” She muttered, and slowly shut the door once more, enclosing herself in her dimly lit cave.

 

If nothing else, this would be a quarter to remember. Or maybe even more. Anju gnawed on her lower lip, made her way to her bed, and decided she would succumb to whatever, and whoever, it would throw at her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well, i hope you enjoyed it! i'll hopefully be a bit better about updating this one, since it takes less emotional energy than my more serious series.  
> also, here's the song anju played an acoustic cover of for shuka. talk about a downer, huh? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fVVMmm6bAOw
> 
> check my twitter for accompanying illustrations to this AU! it is @/wolfcigs !  
> i also have a pinterest board for this AU, split off into sections for each girl and whatnot, if that's your sort of thing too! https://www.pinterest.com/wolfcigs/art-school-au/  
> thanks for reading!


	2. i wanna learn to fly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anju has a second run-in with Shuka, meets a new acquaintance, and perhaps even makes social plans..

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heyoo~ it's been a little bit since the first update, but i'm back on track now. i'm in a super weird period of my life currently so it's been kind of slowing down my drive to work, but i finished this up and have chapter three started and outlined!  
> i kind of self-projected in this one haha i'm doing really badly right now and it's hard to keep it out of my creative work. hope you like it anyways!  
> a bit of a TW for a little vague allusions to self harm

Anju rolled over in bed, sighing dramatically, zoning out at the ceiling. In the comfortable silence of her dim bedroom, she closed her eyes, losing herself in thoughts that grew deeper and deeper in her mind.

 

It had been a day since her time spent with Shuka, and she couldn’t find herself able to tear her brain away from the other girl, in a way she was unsure of how to explain. She’d said she would “talk to her later”, but Anju couldn’t place what she had meant by that. “Later” as in during class, during their project? Perhaps “later” as in she’d shoot her a text message? Anju couldn’t settle on which option was preferable, and wondered what was wrong with her.

 

Since she was young, Inami Anju preferred to be alone. When it came to school and clubs, she managed to scrape by with the bare minimum human contact (aside from her family), and figured that probably made her come across as standoffish. In the recesses of her mind, though, she dreaded being alone. Then, why was it that she pushed away everyone as much as possible? Why did she isolate, while still feeling horrible when she was alone? It was a miserable cycle, that carried over into her current life.

 

While she enjoyed her alone time in her room, and required a lot of time to recharge from socializing, the deep silence of her bedroom allowed for not so great thoughts and habits to overcome her. Even as she indulged in this self-reflection in bed, she couldn’t stop herself from engaging in them, and picked at the skin around her thumbnail idly. It was a dreadful routine, but it was something that felt hard-wired into her brain for years, and yet another troubling aspect of herself that she couldn’t stand, but couldn’t stop. Any emotion, from nervousness to excitement to wallowing thoughts of self-hatred, resulted in some form of harm to herself, and she abused her hands and arms obsessively. Her thoughts drifted back to Shuka, and she pictured the other girl’s hands: bony knuckles, pretty manicured nails, and the slight calluses and graphite smudges of an artist. Without intention, she couldn’t help but compare herself, and lifted one hand up to her face, holding it up against the dim glow of her bedroom’s light.

 

The yellowish glow painted her knuckles and fingers, which she inspected with a grimace. Nails bitten far too short, with red, raw skin in patches around them, caught her eyes first. Next, she glanced down to the back of her hand, bearing rough scabs like small continents across its plane. With disgust in her stomach, she inspected further down, turning her arm around and spending just a moment to glimpse at the pink scarring that laid erratically across her forearm, before laying it back down at her side, exhaling heavily once more.

 

Glancing at the clock, which read just past 10 AM, Anju begrudgingly decided there wasn’t any time left to spend wallowing over her own terrible habits under the covers, as she had a 10:45 class that day. She rubbed her eyes, and finally sat up in bed. Her tank top had twisted around her torso in her sleep, and she adjusted it as she swung her bare legs over the edge of her mattress. Briefly, she stared blankly at the wall, then at last hopped to her feet and made her way to her small restroom.

 

With a dead, exhausted expression, she gazed into the mirror. Her dark circles were abhorrent, and she tried not to look at the rest of her body, promptly leaning down to splash cold water against her face. Toweling off, she turned once more to the mirror, instead rummaging through the cabinets beneath it. Anju retrieved a well-used box of bandaids, and began her morning routine.

 

First, she wrapped bandages around the fingers that had recently endured the most damage. It wasn’t much help, but at the very least, they concealed the more grotesque spots. Second, she picked out a larger one, and laid it across the top of her left hand, effectively covering up the majority of the scabs that adorned it. Inspecting her overly-bandaged hands, Anju nodded to herself.

 

Second, she applied concealer as much as she could beneath her eyes. No matter how much sleep she got, she couldn’t seem to fix the problem, and so, she had to do all the work herself. With the dark circles as covered up as they could be, she then reached for her hairbrush, and dragged it through her hair. At least, she thought to herself, her hair was nice and neat. She’d always had good luck with her hair, and kept it healthy and regularly cut.

 

Third, when she found herself looking as satisfactory as possible, she stepped over to her closet to rummage for an outfit. Anju wasn’t one to dress up very flashily, so she typically would settle for a sweater and jeans. She closed her eyes and slipped off her tanktop, blindly grabbing at the t-shirt she had picked out, then pulled it over her head. She layered a grey cardigan over it, and finally stepped into a pair of dark jeans.

 

As she didn’t take long to get ready, Anju glanced at her phone, and read the time. 10:15. She reached for her headphones on her desk and plugged them in and pulled her backpack off the back of her chair.

 

At last, fully ready to go, Anju stepped out the door. Selecting a playlist of her favorite lo-fi tunes, she assumed her regular brisk walk across the campus. Today, she had her favorite class: character design. While she wasn’t the greatest artist in class, she did take pride in her ability to come up with concepts that impressed the teacher, and enjoyed the amount of quiet work time they were allowed fairly often.

 

Amongst the thoughts of school, she once again thought back to Shuka. It was almost frustrating, how much she couldn’t manage to shove her out of her mind. The girl had a demeanor that, for some reason, made Anju want to toss away her introverted tendencies, and simply sit in the other’s energy.

 

What was even more confusing to Anju, was the fact that each time she thought of just how close the other girl had gotten to her, and how she inspected her so closely when she played the guitar for her, her heart felt like it was clogging her throat. Anju tried convincing herself it was just nervousness, and that she wasn’t used to the amount of close human contact, but a small part of her was unsure. It was a feeling she couldn’t quite place, and once again, she found herself a bit frustrated at just how much Shuka sent her insides tangled up in a mess of knots.

 

Before she knew it, Anju had arrived at the doorway to class. In her deep, spiraling thoughts, the time went by quickly, and she stepped through the door, making her way across the room to sit down at the back of the class.

 

As her classmates trickled in, and the more social students began to converse, Anju opened up her backpack and retrieved her sketchbook and pens. She opened it and peered down at her careful, neat writing. If she was good at anything, it was game design, and note taking.

 

At 10:45 sharp, class commenced, and Anju focused as much as she could on the material, trying her best to force her worries out of her mind, and ignore the nagging, confusing feelings towards Shuka, that she found she could only place as “longing.” She gripped her pen hard, and pressed the tip to the paper harder.

 

* * *

 

 

Class ended, and Anju took no hesitation to rise from her chair and make her way out of the room. Typically, she was able to easily concentrate on work, but today was a different story. She supposed it was a combination of the time spent wallowing in her thoughts just before class, and the nagging feelings towards Shuka, that kept her from her usual focus. She sighed heavily, and stepped into the hallway.

 

Down the hall, she reached a bench, and sat down, pulling her phone out of her pocket. She unlocked it, swiping across the screen, and opening Instagram. Mindlessly, she began to scroll down the homepage, spending a moment on each post before continuing her descent down the app. She gave a short huff of “laughter” out of her nose at each slightly humorous meme, and a tiny smile tugged at her lips with each dog video. She reached a video with sound, and turned to the side to retrieve her headphones from her bag, only to be met with an empty space on the bench. A grip of cold anxiety immediately spread through her chest as she realized she left her bag in class, in her haste to leave, and she rose from the seat, speeding down the hallway, fueled by stress alone.

 

At last she reached the classroom, and lingered by the door, as she realized there were still students left behind in the room. She stood in place, and eavesdropped a little, somehow gripped with a little nervousness at the idea of walking in at this moment.

 

“No!! It’s like, um,” A familiar voice spilled out from the classroom. “Like… I just can’t bring myself to care about anime about guys.”

 

“That’s a terrible opinion,” The second voice was significantly higher pitched, taking Anju by surprise as it piped up in response. “You’re gonna miss out on a ton of stuff.”

 

“Sure, yeah, but I’m here for a good time, not a long time.” She barked out a laugh before continuing.

 

The other speaker gave a short laugh in response. “Whatever floats your boat, dude.”

 

The conversation lulled, and Anju bit her lower lip, trying to psych herself up to enter the room. She’d just swoop in, fetch her bag, and swoop back out. Yeah. Okay. She exhaled heavily, and stepped in the doorway.

 

“OH!!!”

 

Anju jumped, whipping her head to the side to meet eyes with the source of the sudden noise. She was greeted Shuka’s wide, excited, familiar smile immediately. Anju smiled weakly back, feeling her face heat up.

 

“Heyy… Just,” She scooted awkwardly closer to the table. “Left my bag here, so…”

 

“Oh, yeah! I saw it, it’s hanging on the back of that chair. I’m really happy to see you. I was gonna text you today, but this works out even better!” She tapped her fingers against the table’s surface eagerly.

 

“Yeah?” Anju shuffled over to her bag and retrieved it from the aforementioned chair, swinging it over her shoulders.

 

“Mhmm! See,” She leaned back in her chair. “We’ve got this anime club here… Oh!” She clapped her hands together, then turned to the girl next to her, speaking in a not-so-hushed tone. “Aiai, this is the girl I told you about. Who I worked with in Lit.”

 

The girl turned her head and made eye contact with Anju, who finally got a decent look at her. Her hair was dyed a dark reddish brown and was pulled back into a messy bun on the back of her head. She sat with her chin resting in her hand, a drawing tablet and pen laid out in front of her. Earrings dangled from her ears, and Anju recognized the jewelry as having the design of Luna the cat from Sailor Moon. She gave her a small smile. The shape of her mouth was a catlike 3 shape, and she had a prominent, sharp fang on the left side. Her crop-top read “OFWGKTA”, and before Anju had a chance to ponder what that could possibly stand for, she spoke up.

 

“Hey. Shuka told me a _ton_ about you.” She smirked. “She never shuts up about anything, though. My name is Furihata, you can call me Furirin.”

 

“Nobody calls you that. Call her Aiai.” Shuka grinned. “Aiai is an animation student. She’s super good at drawing.”

 

“Nice to meet you, uh… A-Aiai?”

 

Shuka laughed. “See? Aiai is good. Anyways,” She drifted into the next topic. “So, me and Aiai have this anime club. But we’re, ahaha… Kinda the only members.”

 

Anju raised an eyebrow. Furihata blew out a sigh from her cheeks.

 

“Yeaaahh… Like, you’d expect otherwise, right? I mean, this is an art school…” Furihata’s voice was distinct, high-pitched and amusing. “But maybe we’re shit at advertising? I dunno. Anyways, so…”

 

“Soooo~ I saw your Pokémon posters on your wall the other day! That’s anime. You should join us!” Shuka interrupted.

 

Anju shifted awkwardly between her feet. Her social energy battery could only take so much, and a club on top of it? The thought was enough to make her blood pressure climb.

 

“Pleeease…” Shuka leaned forward and laid her torso on the table, reaching forward and making pathetic grabbing motions at the air in Anju’s direction. “I can only take so much Aiai…”

 

“Eh??” The other girl was taken aback. “You’re one to talk. You’re so loud.”

 

“You’re loud too!” Shuka retorted with a teasing grin before turning back to Anju and giving her a pleading look. “Seeeee? We need you to come balance us out.” She gave her total puppy eyes, her gaze practically begging “Be my friend, be my friend”. And before she could stop herself, Anju gave in.

 

“How often do you… meet up?” She averted her eyes.

 

“Kind of whenever.” Furihata replied. “There’s not much structure.”

 

“I bet you’re good at structure.” Shuka smiled at her. Anju blushed. “Wanna help us out?” She gave her a wink. Furihata rolled her eyes.

 

“Stop. You’re not cute.” She teased before turning her attention back to her tablet. “But, yeah, it’d be cool if you wanted to join in. We usually just draw and talk; it’s more of a chill hangout than anything.”

 

“So you’ll come tomorrow, yeah?” Shuka’s voice wavered with excitement. “This is gonna be awesome.”

 

At this point, Anju realized she didn’t really have much of a say in the matter. She couldn’t bring herself to say no to Shuka, and maybe (just maybe), this wouldn’t end in disaster.

 

“O-okay. So, like...noon?”

 

“Yes!! Sweet.” Shuka bit her lip, holding eye contact for longer than Anju would typically like. “Oh, wanna sit for a sec? Unless you’ve got somewhere to be.”

 

Anju shook her head. “Not really… I just got out of my only class today, so I was probably just gonna head back.”

 

“Cool!! Let’s chat a bit, then!” Shuka pulled out the chair right next to her, and Anju’s feet moved of their own accord, and once again she found herself nearly shoulder-to-shoulder with the other. She wrung her hands in her lap. “Right now, I’m making my way through Little Witch Academia on Netflix. It’s super cute. Super gay.” She giggled, the last comment taking Anju back a bit. Was Shuka… gay? She caught herself promptly, wondering why she was surprised…

 

“Are you watching the dub or sub, though?” Furihata inquired, not looking up from her tablet.

 

“The dub isn’t too bad.” Shuka leaned back in her chair. “I’ve seen worse.”

 

“On God?” Aiai snorted. “It’s terrible… I tried it, and couldn’t get through the first episode. Studio Trigger rocks, though.” She looked up to Anju for a moment. “I’d recommend the sub. Don’t listen to her.”

 

“Let her decide! Don’t be such an elitist.” Shuka waved Aiai away, turning back to Anju, almost uncomfortably close to her face. “What sort of stuff do you like watching?”

 

“Um…” Anju looked away. “I like...Fairy Tail, and some other shounen type stuff.”

 

“Ohh! I’ve never seen that, but I know it’s popular.” Shuka clapped her hands together, as if she’d just made some great epiphany. “You know what we should do? We should all watch something together! We can start now, even. Or tomorrow. I’ve heard My Hero Academia is good. That’s shounen, Anju you’d probably like it!” She grinned widely, then looked expectantly at Furihata.

 

“Mmm, yeah, I dunno.” Furihata swiped her phone open and tapped around, eyes darting around the screen thoughtfully. “Yeah… we were gonna be having a party tonight. Kyan wanted to invite this girl from the occult club, I guess.”

 

“Oh?” Shuka inquired. “That’s nice. You guys need other friends.” She snorted, and Aiai shot her a look.

 

“Oh, come on. We aren’t _that_ cliquey.” She turned her attention to her phone, typing quickly. Her acrylic nails clicked noisily across the screen, and Anju got a good look at her hands. Her cuticles were pushed back neatly, and her nails were long and pink. Her index fingers had little jewels stuck to them. Anju supposed it was easier for digital artists to keep up manicures; it was a little different working on a screen as opposed to with traditional materials. She wondered, then, how Shuka was able to maintain hers so nicely.

 

“You really are.” Shuka turned to Anju and gave her a smug grin. “Aiai has these two friends… they all went to high school together. Well, I guess we all did. I went to their school, too. Anyways,” She tugged a hair tie off her wrist and reached around, pulling her hair into a short ponytail. “They’ve been, like, inseparable since they were freshmen. They were the…” She brought her voice down to a mock-whisper. “ _weed people_.”

 

“Shut up.” Aiai furrowed her brows. “You’re making us look bad.”

 

“No, it’s fine.” Anju gave an awkward laugh, and Shuka continued.

 

“They were like, the artsy party people who talked to nobody. And they’re still that way. I’ve been friends with Aiai for a while, so like… I’m friends with the other two, too. They’re kind of a packaged deal. Oh!” She turned back to Aiai.

 

“Can Anju come to the party too? She should meet Kinchan and Kyan now that you’re friends.”

 

Aiai looked over to Anju. “If she wants to. Are you into parties?”

 

Anju made a vague gesture with her hands. “I’m like… not… like…” She averted her eyes. “Like, I’ve never really done anything like that?”

 

“Well, you don’t have to. But you can. We’ve got a house and stuff.”

 

“Oh, wow.” Anju couldn’t hide her surprise.

 

“Yeah, we saved a bunch of money in high school and have jobs and stuff… it’s not really a big deal. Anyways,” She set her phone back down. “You can come if you’d like! We usually just play games and drink and stuff.” She smiled at her, and Anju couldn’t help but give a tiny smile back.

 

“I’ll… see what I have going on.”

 

“Yeah, just text me! If you wanna go!” Shuka’s voice nearly shook with excitement, and her enthusiasm was enough to convince her. “Aiai can drive us both. She’s the only one who can drive.”

 

“O-okay, thanks.” She swallowed dryly, fussing with the edge of one bandaid on her finger. “I’ll text you what  I’ve got going on.”

 

“Great!” Shuka smiled warmly, holding eye contact with Anju, who found herself unable to look away this time. Again, she noticed the length of her eyelashes, longer than any she’d seen. Her eyes were a calming shade of brown, and in spite of her aversion to eye contact, she thought to herself that she wouldn’t mind looking at them forever.

 

“I should… maybe get going, then.” Anju breathed, and Shuka gave her a tiny nod.

 

“Yeah, just lemme know, okay?” She winked awkwardly. “No pressure, though.”

 

“Mhmm.” Anju’s words caught in her throat, and she licked her lower lip, wetting the dry skin.

 

Ah, goddamnit. Once more, the confusing, frustrating feelings rose in her throat like vomit, and she forced herself away. She rose from her seat, clearing her throat and turning away. “So, uh.  Talk to you later, then.” Anju gave a tiny wave, and the other two girls waved back.

 

“See you maybe later!”  Furihata said. “It was nice to meet you.”

 

“You, too.” Anju smiled slightly at each girl.

 

“Text me!” Shuka gave her a thumbs up, to which Anju nodded.

 

“Got it, will do.” She backed away slowly, before turning around and exiting awkwardly. She heaved a sigh, and lingered outside the doorway for a moment before stepping away.

 

“You’re so bad at flirting…” She could hear Furihata’s hushed voice as they parted ways.

 

“I wasn’t!!”

 

“Sure.”

 

Their words faded out of earshot, and Anju felt her face grow hot. Flirting? With _her_? She shut her eyes tight and shook her head. She must have been joking. She repeated this to herself like a mantra as she walked quickly back to her room, with her thoughts racing back and forth. She’d think over her options, and get back to Shuka as soon as she built up the courage to even press “send”. With her mind swimming, Anju made her way numbly back across campus, trying to push any form of the word “flirting” out of her mind. She hoped the fellow students she passed couldn’t see her face, flushed bright red.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the next chapter...maybe she goes to a party...maybe not.... tune in to find out! it'll be out sooner than this one was, promise!  
> thanks as always for reading and for being patient with me~


	3. but it's safer when i stay inside

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anju reaches out, attending a college party for the first time in her life. Antics ensue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> good lord, you have no idea how i wrestled with this chapter. i probably deleted and rewrote around a couple thousand words pretty much over and over. i worked super hard on it, and i'm pretty happy with the result, despite my struggles haha.  
> hope you like it :)  
> [added a permanent self harm tw to the tags just cuz it'll come up again, and i dont wanna keep writing it in notes.]

It was 5:30 PM, and the sun was just beginning to set in the sky; within the dark confines of Anju’s dorm room, though, she had no way of knowing, as she kept the shades fully drawn at all times.

 

She eyed her phone, which had sat silently for the past few hours that she’d been sitting at her desk, playing her Nintendo DS and trying to not think too hard about the choice she’d have to make soon: to accompany Shuka to her friends’ party, or not?

 

As if to urge her to answer the question right at that moment, her phone buzzed, and Anju glanced back to its screen, peering at the notification’s thumbnail.

 

_ [Number]: yo! i was probably gonna have aiai come get me pretty soon, so if you wanted to tag along lmk!~ _

 

Oh, right, Shuka still didn’t have a contact name in her phone… Anju sucked on her lower lip for a moment before unlocking her phone and opening iMessage. Her fingers hovered over the keyboard hesitantly as she weighed the pros and cons.

 

Breaking out of a shell she’d built around herself over years of isolation wasn’t exactly an easy thought. Anju was ridiculously awkward, and she knew it, cringing inside at nearly every human interaction she engaged in, and she wasn’t sure if she wanted to subject multiple people to that sort of awkwardness. On top of that, Anju had no idea what to even expect from a party, as her experiences didn’t go beyond those she’d seen in movies.

 

On the other hand, she once again thought to herself about the sort of magnetic pull she felt from Shuka, and the seemingly instinctual desire to be around her more and more nearly overpowered her anxiety alone. Her curiosity, as well, seemed to be bubbling up farther in her chest. The descriptions of Aiai’s friends that she’d received from Shuka were… interesting, to say the least, and a part of her was dying to see what kind of people they would be face-to-face.

 

A speech bubble containing an ellipsis appeared and disappeared over and over, as Anju watched Shuka struggle with another message. She heaved a sigh, and decided that, for once, she would take this one on herself.

 

_ Anju: I think I’ll come along, if thats ok? _

 

_ Anju: I wanna see what kind of friends you have lol _

 

After hitting send, she watched as another speech bubble came popping up immediately.

 

_ [Number]: OK COOL!! mayb i’ll come walk over to you and she can jsut pick us up near u. _

 

_ [Number]: and yeah, it’ll be interesting, i promise. they’re funny lmao _

 

Anju couldn’t keep from cracking a tiny smile, then typed once more.

 

_ Anju: Yeah, that sounds fine. should I like...change clothes _

 

_ [Number]: LOL NO  just wear whatever _

 

_ [Number]: maybe dont show up naked i guess but anything else is fine _

 

She snorted, and sent her final reply.

 

_ [Anju]: Ok, promise i’ll be decent. _

 

_ [Number]: sounds goooood i’ll head over ;p see u soon _

 

Anju locked her phone, set it down, and was hit with the realization of what she’d just done. If Freshman Anju could see her now, she’d probably blow her brains out. She rubbed her eyes and groaned quietly. Shuka had an effect on her that she wished she could explain, but maybe it was better off bottled up and buried. Excellent coping skills. She was so good at coping, Anju thought to herself dryly as she simultaneously bit off a shred of skin from her index finger. The irony of it all.

 

Anju managed to spend the next minutes just sitting and staring at the wall, concocting every worst case scenario in her mind, when suddenly there was a swift, energetic knock at her door, and Anju snapped out of her thoughts right away. “Just a sec,” She half-shouted, and her voice cracked a little. She winced.

 

Standing up from her chair, Anju grabbed her bag, and checked the mirror one last time. At least her hair was nice, and her hands and arms were as covered up as could be. She nodded, tried to mentally psych herself up, then turned to face the door.

 

Anju opened the door to her room, meeting eyes with the shorter girl right away, who gave her an excited grin. “Awesome, I’m so happy you decided to come!! I think you’ll have a good time.” She rocked back and forth between her heels and toes, and Anju smiled back.

 

“Yeah, thanks for inviting me. I hope your friends like me.” She exited the room and turned around to lock it, and the two made their way out of the dorm building.

 

“They totally will!” She assured her. “It’ll be a good time.”   
  


Anju nodded silently and looked around them as they crossed the lawn to reach the parking lot. The campus was lit by the pinkish glow of the setting sun, and the air smelled like freshly cut grass.

 

“It’s so nice out.” Shuka observed and rummaged around her bag, retrieving an obnoxious vape pen from its depth. Anju glanced to the side. The device had a rainbow decal slapped on the side. “Do you mind if vape?” She inquired before placing the mouthpiece between her lips. 

 

“No…” Anju tried her best to keep her judgments and laughter locked inside. Of course Shuka vaped. The thick cloud that exited her lungs smelled overwhelmingly like french toast with maple syrup.

 

Sooner than expected, a small maroon car came pulling into the parking lot and slowed down in front of them. Aiai sat in the driver’s seat, and Anju gave her a weak wave, and she waved back before leaning forward to glare at Shuka.

 

“Seriously? Vaping around her? Awesome first impression to make on this girl.” Aiai remarked from inside the car, rolling down the window.

 

“More like third impression,” Shuka retorted, as if that really meant anything. “Don’t act like you’re better than me; at least I’m not rotting my liver at age 21.” She swung open the car door and hopped inside.

 

“My liver is fine.” Furihata said.

 

“Yeah, okay.” Shuka buckled her seatbelt.

 

When Anju was in the car and seated, Aiai twisted around to look at her and gave her a smile. “Sorry she acts like such a dudebro. She’s probably trying to impress you.” She turned back around and put the car in reverse.

 

“I’m really just not.” Shuka argued. Aiai gave a noncommittal, vague hand gesture, and ended the conversation.

 

“You can play your music, if you wanna.” Furihata glanced in the rearview mirror briefly to make eye contact with Anju. “It’s a Bluetooth speaker, so you can just connect to it.”

 

“Ah, no, that’s okay.” Anju waved her hand. “I’m good with whatever you wanna play.”

 

Shuka laughed. “Aiai’s music is  _ edgy _ .” She emphasized the word with a playful tone. “It’s got  _ bad words  _ in it.”

 

Furihata gave a breathy laugh and hit play on her phone, turning the volume down a little, Anju assumed out of consideration. Promptly, a harsh hip-hop beat came pouring out of the speakers. In fact, “harsh” was perhaps a nice way to put it. The tone was almost angry in nature, and Anju found herself taken back a little. It must have showed, because Shuka laughed once again.

 

“Right? You wouldn’t look at her and expect her to listen to this sort of stuff. But she’s always liked this kind of edgy rap.” Shuka crossed her legs as Aiai backed the car out of the campus parking lot. “Her house isn’t super far from here, so we won’t be stuck with it long.”

 

“Really, I don’t mind!” Anju gave another vague hand gesture. “I’ll kind of listen to anything. I just like music.”

 

“Were you ever in music clubs in high school?” Furihata inquired, making small talk as she drove down the street. “I used to be in Percussion.”

 

Anju mindlessly picked at her index finger tip. “Not really… I play guitar and stuff casually, though, since my dad always did.”

 

“She’s  _ really _ good, too!!” Shuka exclaimed, and Anju felt a tiny sense of relief in her chest, now knowing that Shuka hadn’t told Aiai all about her awkward playing for her the other day.

 

“Oh, yeah? That’s cool.” Furihata drove expertly and carefully, once again taking Anju by surprise. “So, do you like acoustic type stuff, then?”

 

“Mmhm.” She mumbled and kept at the repetitive motion of pulling at the skin around her nail. She was not used to talking about herself at length, and found herself at kind of a loss. Ugh… maybe a party was a mistake. If this was how it’d go, being tossed into conversations where she was expected to talk about her own life…

 

However, as if she could read her mind, Shuka spoke up. “Yeah!  She played the guitar for me the other day, it was some acoustic song. I didn’t know it, but I think that makes it cooler.” She turned her head and grinned in Anju’s direction. “Some obscure stuff. Anyways!” 

 

Anju pushed her hands under her thighs in an attempt to force herself away from destroying her fingers further. Unable to contain a tiny sigh of relief, she glanced out the window, mentally thanking Shuka for talking in her place.

 

“We’re almost there! It’ll be fun. I’m excited to see this girl Kyan brought over… have you met her, Aiai?” Shuka twisted her head to peer into the rearview mirror. Furihata shook her head.

 

“No, I just know she met her in the Occult Club.”

 

“Do you think it’s like… a date?” Shuka inquired, and Furihata hummed in response.

 

“Dunno. I don’t really know what to think of it.” At last, she turned into a driveway, leading up to a small, dark green house. “Guess we’ll find out, huh?” She gave a short, strained laugh, and parked the car. Anju was admittedly bad at reading other people’s emotions, but even she could tell there was a little tension.

 

Furihata was the first to exit the car, slamming the door shut and making her way up the driveway. Anju unbuckled her own seatbelt and reached for her bag.

 

“Hey,” Shuka said, and Anju turned her head.

 

“Hm?”

 

“Lemme know if this gets, like, weird.” She spoke softly. “They can be kind of abrasive. I can make up some bullshit to get us out of here if you end up feeling weird.” Shuka smiled warmly, and Anju felt all the blood rush to her face.

 

“O-okay…” Her mouth went terribly dry, and she could feel her heart beating in her ears.

 

“Okay!” Shuka nodded. “Let’s get in there, then, before this seems suspicious.” She giggled and unbuckled her own seatbelt.

 

“Suspicious how?” Anju laughed awkwardly and pulled her bag over her shoulder, turning to open the car door.

 

“Oh, you know.” Shuka opened her side and hopped out.

 

_ Not really…  _ Anju thought to herself as she exited the vehicle, closing the door and stepping around to the front of the car. Shuka followed, and lead the other girl up to the front step.

 

“Alright!! In we go. Aiai already headed inside, I guess.” She grabbed the door handle, and turned to Anju again before turning it. “If it gets too loud, we can head out.”

 

Anju swallowed hard and nodded, before following the other girl into the house.

 

The entryway was filled with shoes of varying styles, and Anju could immediately tell that the household was an eclectic mix of girls. She slipped out of her flats and looked around the living room. A large corner sofa sat covered in blankets and mismatched pillows with a few footrests arranged in front of it. At the other end of the room, a television stood on a dark wooden entertainment center, with a clutter of gaming systems surrounding it. Anju could hear a commotion in the kitchen; Aiai’s now-familiar voice mixed in with a new one, wove in between the dull sound of what sounded like k-pop playing through a crappy pair of speakers.

 

“So, Kyan isn’t here yet?” Anju heard Aiai inquire, punctuated by the hissing of carbonation as she opened a can of something.

 

“Nah… She said they’re gonna walk, I guess this girl lives on campus.” The other voice was lower, and had a sort of home-y tone.

 

“I could’ve driven them.” Furihata pointed out.

 

“I know! I dunno. This is weird.”

 

“Right? It’s not like… like, it’s not like I don’t want new people. That doesn’t matter.”

 

“Doesn’t matter at all, no.”

 

“It’s just weird of Aikyan.”

 

“TOTALLY.”

 

Shuka and Anju stood in the doorway, eavesdropping on the back-and-forth conversation in the other room. Shuka kicked off her shoes. “They’re always like this.” She muttered. “They’re like a weird hive mind. I don’t get it.” She tossed her own bag onto the couch and hollered out towards the kitchen. “Hey, assholes.” Shuka hopped out of the entryway and crossed through the living room. Anju followed awkwardly.

 

“Oh, it’s you.” The new voice spoke with mock-dread, and Shuka cackled in response. “How’s it going?”

 

“It’s me! Plus one.” Shuka reached the entrance to the kitchen, and Anju sidled up next to her, peering into the room. “This is Anju, I have Lit class with her and stuff. We did a project together.  Oh, also we made her join our club.” She spoke a mile a minute, firing off anecdotes one after the other.

 

Anju was finally able to get a good look at the other girl. The first thing she noticed was that she was  _ tall as hell _ . Especially next to Furihata, who was overwhelmingly short, she towered over them like a tree. Her hair was dyed a golden brown, and she wore a snapback with a floral pattern under the brim. She gave Anju a welcoming smile.

 

“Oh! Hey!” She set down the drink she held in her hand and reached out to shake Anju’s own. “I’m Kanako. It’s cool to meet one of Shuka’s friends.” Something about Kanako’s face and demeanor made Anju feel at ease, and she took her hand in her own. Her palm was soft, and Anju felt a little tinge of nervousness about the feeling of her own hand, but whether or not the other girl noticed its roughness was unclear, as she firmly shook it anyway.

 

“Thanks for having me.” Anju managed a smile back.

 

“This is gonna be so fun.” Shuka clapped her hands together and pushed her way into the kitchen. “Anju~! Do you want anything to drink?”

 

“Oh, make yourself at home.” Aiai shouted to Shuka as she rummaged through the fridge as if it were her own.

 

“Um… I’ll have whatever, haha.” Anju stood awkwardly in the doorway.

 

Kanako turned back to Furihata. “But, yeah. She said she’d be here soon.”

 

“Mmm.” Aiai took a sip of her drink. “Well, I guess we’ll see how this goes.”

 

“We sure will.” Kanako retrieved her red cup once more and swallowed a mouthful of whatever was inside.

 

As Anju shifted between her feet, unsure of what to do or say, Shuka at last swooped in, two cans in tow. She held one out toward Anju, who tentatively took it. “Here, this is a cider thing. It just tastes like apple juice, kind of.”

 

“Ah, thanks.” Shuka opened her own can and leaned against the kitchen table; Anju followed. 

 

“Once Kyan gets here we can play games or something.” Aiai piped up from the other side of the kitchen. “It shouldn’t be long.”

 

“They’re taking quite a long time, though.” Kanako snickered. “If this is like, a date thing, I’ll lose my shit.”

 

“Oh, I figured that was a given.” Aiai muttered, sucking down the rest of her drink.  _ Holy crap, she drinks fast _ , Anju noted to herself as she watched her walk across the kitchen again and grab another beer, promptly opening it. “Try and keep yourself together, though.”

 

“You, too.” Kanako pointed out, and tipped her cup backward.

 

Almost eerily well-timed, the front door opened at just that moment. Furihata and Kanako exchanged a look.

 

“Hey!” A sharp voice chirped from the doorway, and Anju turned her head to face the sound. A lanky figure with long, shiny black hair sat hunched over, undoing her boots. Behind her stood a short girl with dark brown hair, clad in a yellow button-up shirt and tan skirt, who stepped out of her own shoes. The raven-haired girl stood back up and kicked her boots off her feet, leaping into the middle of the living room, and Anju was able to get a better look at her.

 

She was of average height, but had a spidery build that almost gave her the aura of being taller. Her fashion was edgy, but in a way where Anju felt that she wouldn’t be surprised seeing her in a magazine. She wore round, clear-framed glasses and had her hair tied up in a messy bun on the top of her head. She smiled widely at Anju, who waved back.

 

“Oh, another guest! Cool, cool.” She made her way into the kitchen and greeted her roommates. “Hey! Oh, started pre-gaming already, huh?” She laughed. “Aight. Anyways, this is Rikako.” She threw one bony hand out and gestured to the other girl who found her way to the room as well. “She’s in the Occult club with me.”

 

The kitchen was now filled with girls and noise and talking over each other, and Anju found herself feeling a little overwhelmed. Everyone was properly introduced, however, and she learned that the third roommate was named Aika, and she was a fashion student, which made total sense. Through this, she also found out that Kanako shared her major of game design, and that Aika’s maybe-date was in culinary.

 

“Oh, so you do cooking stuff?” Kanako made small talk as she made her a mixed drink.

 

“Ahaha… well,” She knitted her fingers together. “I’m actually pretty bad at cooking, like, meals and shit. I’m more into baking.” Kanako handed her the cup with a nod. “Ah, thanks.” She smiled and took a sip.

 

Anju stood and simply listened in, keeping her mouth busy with her drink, sucking it down probably more quickly than she would’ve if she had been conversing with the others. Before she realized it, the can was fully empty.

 

“Woah, haha.” Shuka turned to her as the other 4 girls chatted back and forth. “You want another of those? Maybe slow down on this one, though.” She gave a laugh, and Anju nodded.

 

“Yeah, sure.” She watched as Shuka turned around and walked to the fridge. From this angle, she could see that the other girl had an undercut on the back of her head, revealed as she had her hair pulled into a ponytail. Her eyes drifted down and glued to the backs of her thighs, exposed under her black shorts, and for the first time she noticed how muscular Shuka was. Her legs were slim, but every time she moved, she could see the muscles flexing beneath her pale skin. Anju felt heat rising to her cheeks as she stared at her legs, and attributed it to the alcohol now buzzing in her system.

 

Shuka whipped back around, pulling Anju out of her zone and holding out a second can towards her. “Yeah, slow down a little. Your face is totally red.” She giggled and leaned back against the table next to her.

 

Suddenly, an awkward silence fell over the other group, and Anju wondered what might have been said to cause such a dead vibe. She opened the can of cider as quietly as she could. It was futile, and the sharp sound practically echoed in the kitchen.

 

“So. Mario Kart?” Aiai broke the silence and crushed her second empty beer can between her hands.

 

“Oh, yes. Let’s.” Kanako brought her hands down on the kitchen table.

 

“That’s a perfect idea. Anju, you like Nintendo stuff, right?” Shuka turned to face her, and Anju nodded enthusiastically.

 

“Yeah, love it.” She smiled and mumbled into her drink.

 

“Sweet. Kinchan, go set it up.” Furihata called over and made her way back to the fridge, as Shuka, Anju, Aika and Rikako exited.

 

“Hey, chill out. You don’t wanna get stupid.” Kanako muttered in a hushed tone to Aiai as they lingered behind in the kitchen.

 

“I’m not going to.” Furihata hissed back, and popped open her third can of booze. “ _ This _ is gonna make me chill out. I can’t be sober right now.”

 

Anju felt a little bad for eavesdropping, but she was secretly dying to know just what was going on. Aiai seemed terribly tense. She managed to tear herself away, though, and stepped into the living room. Aika and Rikako sat on the couch together, leaned up against one another. The black haired girl muttered something Anju couldn’t hear, and her couch-mate giggled in response.

 

“Anju~ do you wanna play first?” Shuka sat cross-legged on the carpet and patted the space next to each other, which Anju promptly filled.

 

Anju shook her head. “No, I’m good with just watching for right now.” She pulled her knees up to her chest and set her can of cider between her feet on the carpet.

 

“Shuka is really bad at this game.” Kanako laughed as she waltzed into the room and turned on the Nintendo Switch, handing controllers to Shuka and Aikyan. “Here, you guys try to impress your guests.” She leapt onto the couch next to Aika, and Aiai followed, sitting next to Kanako. 

 

The living room was alive with chatter and laughter as the two girls selected their characters, and Anju watched quietly, taking slow sips of her beverage and enjoying the gentle buzz in her head. 

 

“Who do you like?” Shuka glanced to the side.

 

“Mmh?” Anju hummed and turned her head lazily to meet eyes with Shuka. “Like, as in what?”

 

“Like, in Mario Kart, haha.” The other girl motioned with her head to the television.

 

“Oh! Um…” Anju ran her finger tip along the rim of her can. “I like Yoshi, he’s cute.”

 

“TOTALLY!” Shuka promptly selected him. “I like him, too.” She grinned, turning her attention back to the screen.

 

The race began, and Anju immediately saw that Kanako was not joking. Shuka was terrible. Like, comically so, as she got fully turned around on the track over and over. The rest of the girls became almost like referees, shouting at her to turn around, to do this and that, as she stumbled through the race in last place. Anju couldn’t help but grin at the chaotic display, finally starting to relax and enjoy herself.

 

It was probably the alcohol in her system, but Anju found herself leaning to the side a bit, her shoulder brushing against Shuka’s as she furiously fingered the controller. Shuka’s focus broke fast, though, as she noticed the other girl gently resting against her. She glanced to her side incredulously. “Hey…” She muttered, and Anju looked up, to see her face flushed pure red, lips parted slightly as she appeared to be searching for something to do or say.

 

“Oh, crap, sorry. I was… really into watching you,” Anju lifted her head. “I mean, watching you play the game.”

 

“No, you’re fine. You can… keep d--” She trailed off as the sound of her chosen character falling off the track played from the television’s speakers, cutting her off.

 

“Shuka, you died.” Aikyan shouted from across the room, and Shuka jolted in response, lifting the controller back up instinctively. In her blind movement, however, she managed to knock Anju’s drink right out of her hands, spilling the unfinished beverage all over the arms of her cardigan, eliciting a shocked squeal from its wearer as she got thoroughly drenched.

 

“Oh, shit!!” Shuka exclaimed once she realized what had happened. Anju grimaced and held her arms stiffly out, the soaked cloth of her sweater sticking to her skin. “Here,” Shuka shoved her controller into Aiai’s hands. “Finish the race, bitch.” Aiai grumbled in response, and Shuka turned her attention back to Anju. She briskly undid the buttons on her varsity jacket and slipped her arms out of it, holding it out to the other. “You can wear this!”

 

Anju felt anxiety’s icy grip making its way through her chest and up her throat; the feeling of the wet fabric against her arms was nauseating. “Um…” She stammered, trying to scrape a coherent thought from in her skull, which overflowed only with thoughts of “I need to get this wet sweater off me right now, or I’m going to cry” and “if she looks at my hands and arms, she’s going to think they’re ugly, and I’m going to cry”. She opened and closed her mouth repeatedly, searching for words that wouldn’t come out.

 

“Okay,” Shuka nodded. “Let’s go to the bathroom real quick.” She stood up and set down both of their empty cans on the coffee table. She gently reached for Anju’s hand, who reluctantly took it, stumbling forward.

 

“Sorry about that,” Shuka murmured as she lead her into the restroom and closed the door behind them, and Anju sat down on the closed toilet seat.

 

“No, it isn’t… you,” Anju muttered. “I’m just…” She paused, rubbing her fingers together. Shuka sat down on the floor, resting her chin on her knees.

 

“You’re good.” She assured her. “Sorry, it’s kind of an abrasive environment. And my spilling my drink all over you probably didn’t help, either.”

 

“It’s not your fault, I just,” Anju wrung her hands. “I don’t like wet clothes.”

 

Shuka nodded and reached for her discarded jacket again. “You can change, if you’d like? We can head back, too. That might be a good option.”

 

Anju hesitated, fighting the desire to rip her sweater off and scratch her skin raw. “I don’t… wanna make you cut the night short.”

 

“No! It’s genuinely not a big deal. I don’t really have an obligation to be here, honestly, so I’m good with heading out. I can take your sweater for you, if you want?”

 

Suddenly, Anju was hit with an overwhelming feeling, like her chest being filled with hot water. Tonight was a roller coaster of good and bad, and reaching out to other humans was hardly second nature to her, but in spite of all her awkwardness, Anju was receiving kindness. Perhaps it was the vulnerability of sitting in a locked restroom with another girl, filled with feelings of dread and anxiety and loathing, but the simple gesture drove Anju over the edge, and she felt the hot wetness in her chest come spilling out of her eyes. Briefly, she thought to herself, that this was terribly sad. She’d gone so long without much intimacy of any kind, that Shuka’s casual offer to take her soiled cardigan felt like the most thoughtful act in the world. 

 

“O-okay,” Anju stuttered through her tears. With a shaky hand, she reached over and accepted Shuka’s jacket. “Thank you… sorry.”

 

Shuka waved her hands. “Really, honestly. It’s nothing. We’ll head out right after you get changed, yeah?” She gave her a gentle smile.

 

“Yeah,” Anju sniffled and held the garment in an iron grip. “Um,” She stilled for a moment. “This is… really stupid, but, can you like… not look?” She gnawed on her lower lip.

 

“For sure!” The other girl nodded without hesitation and stood up, turning around and checking her phone to allow Anju to switch clothes.

 

Anju peeled the soaked cloth off her body with a grimace. She bit her tongue in an attempt to stifle any sort of groan of disgust at the sensation before tossing the garment to the ground. She ran her hands up and down her bare arms, attempting to drive away the rising need to scratch the damp skin.

 

“So, we can just walk back. It’s nice out. It’d probably be a bad idea to have Aiai drive, anyways.” Shuka laughed, facing the wall as Anju idly stroked the raised scars along her arms, waiting for the air to dry them off a little more before putting on the jacket.

 

“Is she like… fine?” Anju muttered. “She seemed kinda… on edge.”

 

“Ooh. I’ll tell you all about that on the way back.” Shuka whispered. “It’s a lot.”

 

“Mm.” Anju hummed under her breath.

 

Finally, she slipped Shuka’s jacket on over her arms. It was a little small on her, but it still covered her up, and that was enough for Anju. She sighed. “Okay, I’m good.”

 

Shuka nodded. “Alright!” She turned back around. “Oh, you look good in it.” She remarked with a smile, leaning down and tentatively, taking Anju’s hands in her own. Her hold on them was gentle, and again, Anju felt a watery warmth envelop her chest. Shuka ran her thumbs along the rough spots along her fingers, and Anju wanted to cry, but all she could do was stare into her eyes. The simple intimacy felt like it was beginning to fill a hole she’d dug inside herself over the years, and she never thought she’d ever want someone else to touch her fingers forever. She’d only known Shuka for a couple days, but she had already made Anju feel more than she’d felt in years. It felt too cliche to be real, and yet it was.

 

Before she’d realized it, Anju felt the heat of tears dripping down her jaw once more. She blinked hard, and Shuka gave her hands a squeeze before letting them go.

 

“Let’s head out, then.” Shuka smiled warmly. Anju nodded.

 

“Yo, Anchan forgot she’s got an appointment tomorrow at, like, super duper early.” Shuka opened the restroom door and shouted towards the group in the living room. She leapt out and grabbed her bag off the couch. “So, we’re gonna dip; I’m gonna walk her home.” Anju stepped out behind her, following closely as they made their way to the entryway.

 

“Oh, okay! Sorry you couldn’t stay long!” Kanako waved to her.

 

“Yeah, thanks for coming!” Aiai chirped, still very focused on winning the race against Aika.

 

“Super good to meet you!” Aika joined in, similarly sucked into the video game.

 

They thanked them for hosting, packed up their things, slid on their shoes, and then Anju and Shuka stepped out of the house and into the cool night air.

 

“Going outside always makes me realize how buzzed I am, for some reason.” Shuka laughed and stepped carefully down onto the driveway. “Not that I drink super often or anything, just usually when I’m with these guys.” She followed up. Anju headed down the asphalt behind her, at last reaching her side, as they tread down the road.

 

“You called me ‘Anchan’,” Anju muttered when they were a few houses down.

 

“Hm? Oh, yeah.” Shuka replied. “Is that okay?”

 

Anju bit her lower lip. “Yeah, I’ve just never had someone give me a nickname before, really.”

 

“Well, Anchan fits you. It’s cute. Like you.” The shorter girl giggled, and Anju couldn’t find the words with which to reply.

 

A couple moments passed, and finally, Shuka spoke up again. “Oh, right, so the stuff with Aiai.” She heaved a dramatic sigh. “So, basically… in high school, from like…  Junior to Senior year, Aikyan and Aiai dated. Like, pretty seriously too.”

 

Anju was taken a bit by surprise; that certainly wasn’t was she was expecting. “Huh…”

 

“Yeah, and like, I thought when it ended, things were totally good between them. I mean, those three are inseparable. But I think it messed up Aiai more than Kyan. She seems to be a little hung up on it.” Shuka kicked a pebble with the toe of her shoe. “I don’t really know the full details… I just know that she’s not fully over it, and I don’t think they talk about it ever.”

 

“She seemed kind of tense around Aikyan bringing that other girl over.” Anju replied, thinking back to her strained tone before.

 

“Oh, totally. I wonder what’ll happen there… it’s kind of unavoidable, especially if Kyan ends up actually dating her. Like, they live together. Something’s bound to give.” Shuka said. “I also wonder how Kinchan feels about all this… I might ask her.”

 

“Do you think the other two might feel weird about that?”

 

Shuka hesitated. “I dunno.” She seemed to chew on her words for a bit, before speaking again. “She might feel kinda lonely, though, so it might be a good idea.”

 

“Mm.” The taller girl hummed in response. “Maybe ask super casually, then.”

 

“Yeah.”

 

The two walked down the dark road in silence, the sound of their shoes crunching against the pebbles and dirt beneath them filling the air. Although it was quiet, it didn’t feel awkward, which was a feeling Anju was not used to. Typically, if she was alone with someone else, all she could think about was how to get out. But, now, walking half-drunk along the side of the road with Shuka, she didn’t want to be anywhere else.

 

“Hey,” Shuka spoke softly, drawing Anju out of her thoughts.

 

“Yeah?” She responded, staring at the dim sky.

 

“Are you, like, okay?” The other girl inquired tentatively. “I mean, I won’t pry… I just wanna know like, if you’re good.”

 

“Why?” Anju asked, though she knew the answer.

 

“Well, like,” Shuka paused. “I don’t want to make you feel awkward.”

 

“You’re fine.”

 

“I just… I know we just met, like, you don’t know me. And I know I come across as kind of an airhead, or whatever. But I’m pretty intuitive.” She stuffed her hands into her pockets. “I can see you’ve got a lot going on. You don’t have to tell me anything if you don’t want to. I’m just, like…” She seemed to be struggling to put her thoughts into words. “I really like you. This sounds super freaky, but I’d been wanting to talk to you for a while.”

 

Anju held her breath. 

 

“Sorry to ramble, uh… I’m just saying that, like, you can talk about it if you wanna. ‘Cause I want to help, if I can. I can tell you’ve got a good heart. And it sucks that people with good hearts have to deal with bullshit.”

 

The serious words felt strange to hear coming out of Shuka’s mouth, and Anju found herself struggling to come up with an answer.

 

“You don’t have to reply,” Shuka spoke as if she read her mind. “I know, it’s awkward. I just wanted to say something.”

 

“You’ve… wanted to talk to me?” Anju replied tentatively.

 

“Oh, yeah. Like, since the quarter began.” She gave a breathy laugh and ran one hand through her hair. “I thought you seemed cool, and I was right.” Shuka playfully nudged Anju’s shoulder. After a pause, she continued. “I thought you were really pretty, too. I was thinking about how badly I wanted to draw you, actually.”

 

“Me?” Anju was so taken aback.

 

“Yeah. Especially now that… we’ve hung out a couple times. You’re even prettier up close.”

 

“I’m really… not.” Anju couldn’t stop a self-deprecating comment from tumbling out of her mouth. “I don’t know why you’d get that impression. I’m really boring.”

 

“Heeyy… that’s just not right. I wouldn’t wanna hang out with you if you were boring!” The campus came into sight, and they stepped up onto the lawn that lead up to the dorm buildings. “Seriously, though. Can I, um, draw you sometime?”

 

Anju wasn’t sure how to respond. “M...maybe?” She stared down at the grass. “Dunno how to feel about someone looking at me for that amount of time, haha.”

 

Shuka giggled. “Oh, you don’t have to worry about that. I could probably look at you all night long.” She delivered the compliment so smoothly and casually that it caught Anju off guard, leaving her wordless again.

 

The taller girl retrieved her student ID from her backpack as they reached the front door to the dorms, scanning it and opening the door. She held it open for Shuka, who slid inside with a grin. “Thanks much, ma’am.”

 

The hallway was dead silent, and the sound of the shuffling of their feet against the carpet occupied the space. The two reached Anju’s door, and slowed to a stop, lingering at its entrance and turning to face one another. Anju’s head was swimming, and she couldn’t manage to come up with something to say; instead she simply held eye contact with the other for what felt like an hour or two.

 

“I should… probably walk back.” Shuka breathed. Her eyes darted around Anju’s face. “Are you gonna be okay?”

 

Anju gave a tiny nod. “Uh-huh.”

 

Their eye contact was prolonged further, and Anju didn’t register just how close their faces were until she inhaled and caught the scent of alcohol that still stained the other girl’s lips. She blushed, and pulled away, leaning against her door. Shuka blinked.

 

“Okay, yeah, haha.” She laughed under her breath and looked away. “Um, so I’ll see you… next week, then.” She shifted from foot to foot and scratched the back of her head.

 

Anju nodded again. “Yeah,” She gnawed at her lower lip. “Thanks for walking me back... And, for everything else.”

 

“Of course. I’m glad we got to spend a little alone time together.” Shuka tentatively reached out and laced their fingers together. Her forwardness never failed to leave Anju empty-headed and at a loss.

 

Shuka released her hands, stepped forward, and closed the empty space between their bodies, carefully reaching around her back and hugging her tightly. Anju took in a quick breath through her nose as she was suddenly wrapped in the other girl’s arms. Her heart pounded so hard in her chest that she swore both parties could hear. Shuka’s head rested perfectly under her jaw and she could feel her sigh against her neck. The taller girl could feel her throat tighten and constrict again, and she found herself unsure of what to do. The first non-family hug she’d received in years, and she couldn’t even react, her arms held shakily at her sides. Shuka’s own were strong, and she pulled her tightly against her. Anju let out a shaky breath and allowed her head to fall forward, her cheek rubbing against the other’s hair.

 

“Hm,” Shuka mumbled into her skin, her lips moving against Anju’s shoulder. “Hope this is alright.”

 

“U-uh-huh…” Anju whispered, and the other girl gave her one last tight squeeze before pulling away. 

 

Shuka smiled widely at her, her eyes and nose wrinkling as she stepped backward. “You should go get some rest.” She adjusted her bag on her shoulder. “I’ll see you next week, though.”

 

Anju nodded dumbly, and Shuka began to step away. She seemed reluctant to do so, as if she wished she could stay longer. At last she gave a wave and turned on her heel, heading down the hall. Anju watched as she left, cracking a small smile as she saw her turn around two more times to glance back at her before finally exiting the building, leaving the other girl alone in the silent dorm hallway. For once, the silence felt empty, and not comforting.

 

Anju opened her door, then closed it behind her and stumbled forward, falling into bed and not bothering to change clothes. She sighed and closed her eyes, finally feeling the stress of the evening in her muscles as she laid in the quiet of her bedroom. She shifted to lay on her side, and quickly realized the fabric against her arms was unfamiliar; she’d forgotten to return Shuka’s jacket. Anju took in a deep breath. The scent of men’s deodorant clung to the garment, and something about it was comforting, as if she was still there with her, touching her fingers gently and kindly. She dragged her fingertips along her sheets, suddenly longing for the touch once more, something she never would have anticipated she would desire, but Shuka had touched her with such delicate hands.

 

She sighed again and flipped over onto her back, throwing her arm over her face and taking in another breath.

 

_ What is my problem… _ Anju lamented in her mind.  _ Smelling some other girl’s jacket. Creep.  _ She let her arm fall to her side and dug her phone out of her jacket, lifting and unlocking it. An iMessage thumbnail was at the top of her screen, and she opened it.

 

_ [Number]: hope you sleep well, and sorry about tonight, really lmk if you need anything _

 

_ [Number]: i mean it, ok? _

 

Anju’s body felt so heavy with so many feelings that she couldn’t control, she felt as if she could sink through the mattress and into the floor with their weight.

 

_ Anju: Sorry that i was so weird. I get weird with, like, sensory stuff. _

 

The act of sharing these humiliating parts of herself was so extremely unnatural, even typing them out felt like yanking a splinter out of her palm.

 

_ Anju: I don’t wanna be a baby about that sort of thing. _

 

_ Anju: I’ve just always gotten freaked by really overwhelming stuff. Like, getting your clothes wet shouldn’t be exhausting. It’s embarrassing. I wish I hadn’t made this sort of first impression on your friends, and, like, third impression on you. _

 

Her thoughts spiralled.

 

_ Anju: It makes me feel like an emotionally stunted little kid and I really can’t stand it. _

 

_ [Number]: hey! you’re fine. for real. if anything at all, they probably just got worried. they’re pretty crazy but they’re super nice people. _

 

_ [Number]: and as for me, i don’t think you’re weird at all. everyone’s different. i just hope i was ok and didn’t make things worse. _

 

Anju shook her head, though she knew the other girl couldn’t see her.

 

_ Anju: No, i’m really grateful. _

 

Shuka typed, deleted, then typed again.

 

_ [Number]: you should prob get some sleep its crazy late. but _

 

_ [Number]: like i said, just lemme know if you need anything. i’ll see u next week tho :) _

 

_ [Number]: we’re gonna kill this presentation _

 

The speech bubble appeared and disappeared erratically again.

 

_ [Number]: but, if u need anything before then, just text me <3 _

 

Anju paused, thumbs hovering over the keyboard, before she sent her final reply.

 

_ [Anju]: Yeah, I’ll see you soon, then. Gn :) _

 

Anju set her phone down and closed her eyes, but shortly picked the device up once again. She stared at she and Shuka’s conversation. With a warmth like a blanket enveloping her chest, she tapped on her name, bringing up her contact info. With tired eyes, Anju selected her empty contact name, and filled it.

 

“Shuka 💙” She typed, hit enter, locked her phone once more, and closed her eyes. Taking in another self-indulgent breath against the other girl’s jacket, she fell asleep, holding herself tight. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HUAHHHHHH !! the tension :-) oh boy..  
> like i said, this chapter was a bitch to write. i bit off a lot more than i could chew but decided to stick with it anyways. 
> 
> if you're interested in what happened/is happening with the first years, i have some good news for you: i'm planning 2 spinoff series! one from the POV of the first years, and another from the POV of arisa. i don't know when i will start on these, but i have a lot of ideas. basically, the first years are complicated, and i really want to explore them more. and so, i shall :)
> 
> (p.s. if you wanna know what song aiai blasted in the car, it's rella by odd future)


End file.
